Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Walking The Plank

Amazon has announced the top 100 in their contest. And Plundered Booty's fate? ... Shot down like a Somalian pirate.

Sure I'm a bit disappointed. What writer doesn't want to see their baby shine, but I realize there were lots of talented entries. Heck I know several very talented writers who didn't make the cut to 500 so I'm proud to have lasted as long as I did. Hopefully, I'll learn something useful from my Publisher's Weekly review once they are released. My congrats to those who made the Top 100.

Last night I typed a rather lengthy post, but after working on it for half an hour I deleted the whole thing. What was supposed to be a humorous story about one of my trips to Oklahoma postal technical training was nothing more than a boring diatribe of nothingness. Kind of the same thing this post seems to be headed for. So, with that random theme in mind here are some random thoughts that have infected my brain in the last few days.


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Camo. I don't get it. Okay I see the benefits of green camouflage clothing if you are hiking through a jungle trying to avoid taking a bullet between the eyes. Or the brown camo our military wear is desert environments. I can even buy the bow hunter who whiles away his days up in a tree stand waiting on that big buck to come by. But why anyone needs their everyday pick up to be painted like a forest is beyond me. The same goes for camo cell phone covers, spare tire covers, barbecue grills, or any of the other tree colored crap that dots the shelves these days. Come on guys, how can I poke fun of our female counterparts for their silly, unneeded notions like toilet seat covers, when everything you own looks like a tribute to MASH.


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Is it possible to boldly go through life and have someone use this description of you, "He chalantly walked up and cursed William Shatner for being a nerve wracking buffoon," or must we all be doomed to a life of nonchalantly sneaking about? While on that subject can a person be flimmed without getting flammed, or flammed and not flimmed. And my postal worker background probably is to blame for this one, but if a fellow is happy, content and eager to head off to work can he be desribed as gruntled? And can someone simply be combobulated? Or must they perpetually be DISsed as well?

Not to BE outdone. Have you ever been wildered or fuddled? Yeah me neither.

48 comments:

Janet said...

There's a blog called "Gruntled Center" written by a rather contented man. ;o)

Myself, I'm still working on being couth.

Rebecca said...

Hey, M*A*S*H deserves any and all tribute it gets, so don't dis the camo if it is indeed a tribute to M*A*S*H

pattinase (abbott) said...

I've been witched from time to time. Or at least my husband says so.

sybil law said...

I am thoroughly cornfused, much of the time.
:)
Camo can look good, sometimes. But like you mentioned? Never.

Bubblewench said...

I'm so all over Plundered Booty when you get it published. And I firmly believe you will. I'll even buy a hardback! We all know amazon is just crazy this week anyway!! (ha ha)

Camo is a waste... I'm with you on that one! Who do these guys think they are? GI Joe? Bet they don't have kung fu grip!


I think I spend most of my time combobulated... maybe cause I just like the way it sounds. You crack me up Travis!

Beth said...

I just gotta say this, I HATE toilet seat covers. they're NASTY and harbor lots and lots of germs. eeeewwwww!

Travis' wife said...

Ohh Traviola you are sooo funny. I am proud that you do not have camo things. If your watch was camo I would have to buy you one daily. You cannot keep up with that thing now.

Laura K. Curtis said...

Whenever I see a parent walking around with a little kid in a stroller who's all decked out in camo, I wonder why s/he wants it to appear as if the kid's head is floating in midair.

Many years ago, the New Yorker (I think) had a short story featuring words like combobulated, gruntled, and chalant. I don't remember much about it except that it made me laugh much harder than most New Yorker fiction.

pita-woman said...

I'm totally with you on the camo-everything. I especially don't understand the women that wear camo-clothing that's in other shades like pink or blue. How often do they need to get lost in a pink forest??

Bina said...

Sorry about the book.

I guess rednecks in TN and TX are exactly the same, huh? And then they go and dress their little kids in camo, too. Hopefully none of the toddlers will ever get lost in the woods, right?

I love your last thoughts! You are so funny.

I think I'm gruntled. I mean, wouldn't DIS gruntled mean that you AREN'T gruntled?

But English was never my forte. I just speak it.

Terrie Farley Moran said...

Hi Travis,

I really enjoyed the portion of Plundered Booty that I read on Amazon.

Those judges must be wildered and fuddled.

Terrie

Corey Schwartz said...

Oh, sorry about Plundered Booty!

Linda McLaughlin said...

Travis, I'm really disappointed Plundered Booty didn't make it to the final 100. I think it deserved to be there!

LOL on the camo. I don't get it either outside of the military. I guess some guys think it's macho.

Don't ask me to explain English to you, it's too discombobulating.

Merry Monteleone said...

Is it just me, or does fuddled sound like slang for something dirty?

Okay, maybe it's just me... and now I'm not quite sure if I have or haven't been fuddled... which I guess makes me befuddled... :-)

Sorry about Plundered Booty, Travis, but it's still awesome to have made it to the top 100 out of so many entries.

You'll get there.

Beth said...

It was an honor and a credit to your writing skills to have made it that far. And you can always use your placement in the contest when listing your writing credits while submitting work elsewhere. Every little (or big) thing helps!

Janna Qualman said...

*guffaw* Great nuggets in this post!

Sorry you didn't make the next cut, but think about the accomplish you made from the outset! You should be proud.

And no. No, I've never been gruntled OR combobulated. Hmph. Maybe I should work on that.

PurpleClover said...

LOVE it!!


Your wildered and gruntled follower. :)

I'm appointed by your post. ;)

Kristen Painter said...

I happen to be wearing camo right now. Not sure what to make of that.

Lana Gramlich said...

Sorry "Plundered Booty" was keel-hauled. CLEARLY the Amazon folks are a bit teched!

G said...

Being a government just like you, I spend most of my time being a functional unit to while away the hours.

But I suppose in the long run, I'm just a little settled, a little turbed and a whole lotta nerved.

McKoala said...

Sorry your story didn't get any further - but it was great that it made the top 500!

Aerin said...

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?" - 10 Things I Hate About You

ddusty said...

I'm with Merry on the fuddled business. It does sound a little dirty, but rather, um, comforting.

Sorry Amazon pooped out on you. It's been a bit nutty over there the past few days.

Charles Gramlich said...

Sorry about Plundered booty as well. Perhaps we should run up the skull and crossbones and go raiding. As long as we watch out for the Navy Seals we should be OK.

Cloudia said...

Congratulations, Doofus ;-)
Aloha

Cloudia said...

I meant that in a whimsical way, NOT a mean way!

DrillerAA said...

Did you notice that Walmart was selling those plastic Easter eggs in camo patterns this year. Yep, let's hid candy and money in these eggs and the kids will NEVER find them.

Crystal Phares said...

Travis, sorry about Plundered Booty. I had my fingers crossed for you and for my critique partner. She was pretty bummed last night because she didn't make this last cut.

And camo drives me crazy. Outside of the military, do you really need it? Seriously?

Chris Eldin said...

I'm sorry about Plundered Booty. But you've gotten very close with this... You're on to something. Wallow a bit, then move on...

Avery DeBow said...

Making it to the five hundred is a huge accomplishment. That Publishers Weekly review is no small prize in itself. I hope it gives you everything you need to see this book on the shelf. Congratulations on a battle well fought.

Annie said...

Umm what was the question again?

Sorry about the loss, but at least you tried.

Keep trying Travis!

Leigh Russell said...

I'd love to be combobulated!

Just came by to let you know the first book in my series is (finally) hitting the shelves in June. You can order on amazon.com NOW (if you want to). Cut Short by Leigh Russell. An invitation to my Virtual Book Launch will be coming your way...

alex keto said...

Actually, I can contribute something mildly relevant here.
You can indeed be gruntled. It is an old English usage to describe the noise a happy pig makes. Which explains why a disgruntled pig can be unhappy. He is not grunt with pleasure.

What makes a pig grunt with pleasure? I'll leave that up to you.

Deborah Elliott-Upton said...

I am one of those who had a camo painted truck. Well, actually my husband did for our business. It worked extremely well for advertising purposes. Everyone remembered seeing that cam-truck all over town. Great visual!

Melanie Avila said...

I want to be gruntled and combobulated!

WordVixen said...

"I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed. But can you ever just be whelmed?" - 10 Things I Hate About You

Oh, did you know that there's camo yarn? For when your afghan just can't be seen. (seriously, it exists)

Also, I had a dream about you and Jenn last night. Total weirdness. I was babysitting your kids. All 7 of them. The two boys AND THE 5 GIRLS! And all the girls were younger than your boys, so you know what that means- yup, prophetic dream. Get crackin'!

lyzzydee said...

Sorry about Plundered Booty, I think you will get there though (even though Amazon excluded us non Americans!! glad you posted an extract on youre blog)
Camo isn't big over here, so I am grateful!!! MASH was my fave all time show, I was in lust with Alan Alda, who was at least as old as my dad!!!!

David Cranmer said...

Your book will be published. No doubt about that.

Jerseygirl89 said...

I have always wanted to be wildered.

I agree about camo. I once saw a woman wearing a camo tube top. Ugh.

I think it's great that you made it as far as you did and I too will be buying a copy of Plundered Booty.

Corey Wilde said...

My mind boggled once, does that count?

J. L. Krueger said...

Sorry you got planked, but us writers know the feelin'.

I'm with you on the overboard camo thing. You know some people are trying to get away from camo...those who've lived in it for months on end.

I've never been "smirched" either.

Travis' Wife said...

Lord Help us and our seven kids!!!

oreneta said...

Oh my goodness, my first time here and I am going to have to confess something! EEEKKKK. I am a woman who has a pair of camo pants! My kids talked me into them one day when I was too tired to fight back. Seems they are cool. I do actually wear them...at appropriate moments, as in not at work. They do have sparkly pink buttons on them, which does seem to defeat the purpose, especially the two on the back pockets. Seems they would resemble the eyes of a terrified deer, leading me to get shot...well, you know where.

OH MG. Couldn't you have posted on something else the first time I come over???

Sorry your story didn't make the top 100.

Barrie said...

Sorry about Plundered Booty. I can definitely not explain English--too complicated!!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I always smile when I read your posts. THought you needed to know. I'm in a sharing mood!!

Hallie :)

desperatewriter said...

You're so funny!

Jan Mader said...

I've got to get with the program....seems like I missed a good entry on Amazon. From the looks of the comments you recieved, you've got an audience anyway!

Can I still read it? Tell me where! Jan

Jan Mader said...

P.S. I plan to turn the writing exercises on my blog into a book someday. I love it when creative people like you leave comments!

Thanks for stopping by...come back soon....